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She walked out of the cold white room, in a swift motion without looking back. Although it was a cold winter day the room had appeared colder to her than anyone else. It seemed that way to her because she felt the cold raising the hairs on her skin and felt it seep into her mind as she confirmed that it was truly her sister that was lying on the bed. At first all she did was stare at her sister’s corpse, it was as though her brain had not registered the memories she had connected with the motionless body that lay in front of her. She showed no emotion as if she was staring at an empty bed, but then she looked down, little drops of water had fallen. She tilted her head up to see the source of the water; it had not come from the ceiling. Her vision blurred for a moment and felt a slight stroke on her cheeks; the water had come from her eyes. She did not feel sad, just annoyed at the wetness of her cheeks. She tried wiping them away but it was futile; her tears kept flowing and exhibited no signs of stopping. She closed her eyes but the tears seeped out from under her eyelids like blood from an open wound. She walked down the stairwell and through the countless corridors, each step faster than the one before, finally she made it outside.
It was pouring heavily; the dark grey clouds swirled furiously, relentlessly swallowing up any of the blue sky that had been there previously. Although she didn’t mind the cold that usually came with rain she hated that kind of weather. This time however she didn’t mind, she let the rain fall on her without trying to shield the wetness away. She let it soak through her clothes and on to her skin, at least this way no one who saw her would know she was crying. The people that had walked by didn’t seem to care or let alone notice; they were busy with their own lives, just walking by a busy hospital in a busy, bustling city. In her mind, time had stopped after she had recognised her sister on that bed and although she knew the world would continue without her, she felt her own world crumble. Just like that she felt the pain connect with the ever flowing tears from her eyes and she bent down to hug her knees then let out a bloodcurdling howl.
Everyone’s just looking for reasons to wake up and get out of bed, some do it for nothing but a kiss, perhaps a cup of coffee, others have a harder time; no train to catch, no hand to hold, no reasons at all.
I’m bored. I’m so bored. If I could sell my boredom, I’m sure I could make a living.
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Sometimes I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.
They say I’m a kind person, they say I’m well mannered and that I do nice things. Underneath all that I have selfish thoughts, there are some things I wish would happen but they are impossible. So I put on this mask and pretend I’m a gentle person, pretend I’m happy. All the while silent tears flow down my face under my mask. The invisible salty tears only I can taste.
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